I Love Standup Comedians. I Really Do.

I Don't Know What's More Exhausting About Parenting: The Getting Up Early, Or Acting Like You Know What You're Doing.

Every Morning I Hear The Alarm, It's Like "beep Beep Beep" For Second I'm Like, "i Could Get Used To That, Just Dream I'm In A Techno Club, Or Something."

Without Valentine's Day, February Would Be... Well, January.

You Ever Talk About A Movie With Someone That Read The Book? They're Always So Condescending. 'ah, The Book Was Much Better Than The Movie.' Oh Really? What I Enjoyed About The Movie: No Reading.

I Was Raised In A Family Where My Father Was The First One To Go To College.