I Love Jesus. I Just Don't Like

Hot Women Have To Stop Putting Long Paragraphs Of Text On Their Bodies. I Know You Think It's Sexy But One Thing That Men Never Think Is, "gee, You Know What Would Make This Sex Better? Having Something To Read."

There Was One Awkward Moment Where A Black Man Stood-up To Ask A Question And Out Of Habit, Bush Said 'clemency Denied.'

You're Not A Patriot Unless Even When You Lose, It's Still Your Country.

I Was Watching Ashlee Simpson On Jay's Show Last Night... She Was Really Singing, And I Was Saying, 'bring Back The Lip Synch'... And It Struck Me That Ashlee Simpson Is A Lot Like George Bush - Because She Wouldn't Even Really Be In The Big Leagues If It Wasn't For Family Connections, And She's In Way Over Her Head. And She Doesn't Know What To Do. And She Blamed Her Band.

What I Have Against Religion Is That They Start You When You Are So Defenseless. I Mean, I Was Three When They Started Pumping This Bullshit Into My Head. I Believed In Santa Claus And The Fairy Godmother, Of Course I Believed In A Virgin Birth, And A Guy Lived In A Whale, And A Woman Came From A Rib. But Then Something Happened That Made Me Doubt All Of It: I Graduated Sixth Grade!