I Like To Hold The Microphone Cord

I Was Booked Into The Riviera Hotel In Las Vegas With Three Other Comedians. We All Were Using The Riviera In-house Shampoo, So We All Had Equal Shine And Bounce.

Comedy Clubs Have Brick Walls Behind The Performer. Bricks Make You Funny. When I'm In Front Of A Fireplace, I'm Hilarious.

I'd Like To Get Four People Who Do Cart Wheels Very Good, And Make A Cart.

Foosball Screwed Up My Perception Of Soccer. I Though You Had To Kick The Ball And Then Spin Around And Around. I Can't Do A Back Flip, Much Less Several Simultaneously With Two Other Guys.

Imagine If You Were A Drummer, And You Accidentally Picked Up Two Magic Wands Instead Of Sticks. There You Are, Keeping The Beat, The Next Thing You Know, Your Bass Player Turns Into A Can Of Soup.