I Like Champagne Because It Always Tastes

If President Nixon's Secretary, Rosemary Woods, Had Been Moses' Secretary, There Would Only Be Eight Commandments.

I'm Working When I'm Fighting With My Wife. I Constantly Ask Myself-how Can I Use This Stuff To Literary Advantage.

This Is Not An Easy Time For Humorists Because The Government Is Far Funnier Than We Are.

As The Economy Gets Better, Everything Else Gets Worse.

Put Yourself In Hamlet's Shoes. Suppose You Were A Prince, And You Came Back From College To Discover That Your Uncle Had Murdered Your Father And Married Your Mother, And You Fell In Love With A Beautiful Girl And Mistakenly Murdered Her Father, And Then She Went Crazy And Drowned Herself. What Would You Do? Go Back For A Masters?