I Know There's Always Going To Be

Beauty Is Not Between A Size 0 And A Size 8. It's Not A Number At All.

You Know Me. Any Excuse To Put On A Dress.

I Watch People's Behavior And Notice Things. I Think That's Why I Became A Comedian. I Notice How Stupid The Things We Do Are.

Here's The Analogy. If My Body Were A Car, I'd Be Thinking About Trading It In Around Now. I Would Like To Upgrade. I Would Be Actually On The Lot Somewhere And Some Guy With A Loud Sports Jacket Would Be Sizing Me Up...kinda Lookin' Around Goin--maybe Kickin My Knees. Looking Behind Me Going: That Looks A Little Bashed In Back There...yeah. You Mind If I Check Under The Hood?" 'well Yes I Do! Thank You Very Much.

If There Weren't Blacks, Jews And Gays, There Would No Oscars. Or Anyone Named Oscar, If You Think About That.