I Know I Want To Always Do

I Don't Know Who I Touch And Who I Don't. I Work Hard Trying To Make People Laugh. I Try To Do The Kind Of Stuff That Made Me Laugh Growing Up. I Don't Have Any Secrets. I Don't Know The Reasons I've Been So Well Received.

My Kids Don't Have A Trust Fund, They Have A Debt Fund. And When I Die, They're $4 Million In The Hole.

You Know, When You Don't Go On Tv And Talk About How Many Women You Sleep With, Some People In Hollywood, That Are Supposedly 'in The Know,' Start Whispering That You're Gay. If I Were Gay, I Wouldn't Be Ashamed To Admit It, But I'm Not.

The Difference When You Have Kids Comes Up When Someone Wants To Meet You Out After 9:30 At Night. You Consider That Giant Sacrifice. You're Like, "do I Do This? Do I Stay Out Until 10:30 And Be Angry, All Of Tomorrow?

I Do Feel Good Doing Them [family-friendly Movies], But It's Not Going To Be My Way Of Life. I'm A Comedian.