I Have A Great Relationship With My

I Just Don't See How Anyone Can Hate America. I Mean, Crap, I Live There. What More Do You Need?

If I Wasn't An Actor? Hmm, I'd Probably Be A Serial Killer. I'm Just So Damn Likeable, No One Would Ever Suspect Me.

I'm A Big Proponent Of 'don't Ask, Don't Tell,' In Fact, I Enforce It Strictly On All Of My Dates. First, I Don't Ask Them For Sex, And Then I Warn Them Not To Tell Anyone After I'm Through.

The Problem With Doing Commercials Is That The Only Thing Good Enough For Me To Sell Is Myself, And I Stopped Doing That Once I Kicked My Coke Habit.

I Don't Want To Blame It All On 9/11, But It Certainly Didn't Help Matters.