I Had My Hair In A Ponytail

The Comedy For The Democrats Is That They're Showing Off Too Much. They Need To Be Putting A Boring White Guy Out There To Kind Of Get A Hold Of Things. Once The Boring White Guy Is Out There, Then You Bust Out The Junior Senator From Illinois Who Smokes And Does Cocaine.

Every Morning, When Alaskans Wake Up, One Of The First Things They Do, Is Look Outside To See If There Are Any Russians Hanging Around. And If There Are, You Gotta Go Up To Them And Ask, 'what Are You Doing Here?' And If They Can't Give You A Good Reason, It's Our Responsibility To Say, You Know, 'shoo! Get Back Over There!'

My Mom Wanted Me To Apply To Princeton, Cause She Just I Guess Since I Was A Kid Had This Dream That I Would Apply To Princeton, And It Was Not Happening.

I Do Like To Start On Time; I Like To Set The Bar High For People.

My Ability To Turn Good News Into Anxiety Is Rivaled Only By My Ability To Turn Anxiety Into Chin Acne.