I Had My Hair In A Ponytail

A Combustion Engine Of Ambition And Disappointment.

Growing Up As A Girl Is Always Traumatizing, Especially When You Have The Deadly Combination Of Greasy Skin And Getting Your Boobs At Ten. But I Think It's Good To Grow Up That Way. It Builds Character.

Every Day I Wrote In My Journal: "how Am I Going To Win Today?" So That When The Guys Are Talking About Water-boarding I'm Telling Them They Haven't Even Got The Right Towels.

My Parents Raised Me That You Never Ask People About Their Reproductive Plans. “you Don’t Know Their Situation,” My Mom Would Say. I Considered It Such An Impolite Question That For Years I Didn’t Even Ask Myself. Thirty-five Turned Into Forty Faster Than Mcdonald’s Food Turns Into Cold Nonfood.

Feminists Do The Best Photoshop Because They Leave The Meat On Your Bones. They Don’t Change Your Size Or Your Skin Color. They Leave In Your Disgusting Knuckles, But They May Take Out Some Armpit Stubble. Not Because They’re Denying Its Existence, But Because They Understand That It’s Okay To Make A Photo Look As If You Were Caught On Your Best Day In The Best Light.