I Had My Hair In A Ponytail

[...] Things Most People Do Naturally Are Often Inexplicably Difficult For Me.

Politics And Prostitution Have To Be The Only Jobs Where Inexperience Is Considered A Virtue. In What Other Profession Would You Brag About Not Knowing Stuff? “i’m Not One Of Those Fancy Harvard Heart Surgeons. I’m Just An Unlicensed Plumber With A Dream And I’d Like To Cut Your Chest Open.” The Crowd Cheers.

North Korea Threatened To Attack If Sony Pictures Released The Interview, Forcing Us All To Pretend That We Wanted To See It.

You Have To Remember That Actors Are Human Beings. Which Is Hard Sometimes Because They Look So Much Better Than Human Beings.

I Grew Up In A Family Of Republicans. And When I Was 18 And Registering To Vote, My Mom’s Only Instruction Was ‘you Just Go In And Pull The Big Republican Lever.’ That’s My Welcome To Adulthood. She’s Like, ‘no, Don’t Even Read It. Just Pull The Republican Lever.