I Had A Gun And I Had

Today New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie Announced That He's Endorsing Mitt Romney For President. It's Good News For Romney. I Mean, You Always Want Chris Christie On Your Side. Unless You're In A Canoe.

People Ask Me, Jimmy, Howd You Get Here Tonight. Lets Just Say It Involved A Two-hour Make-out Session With Elaine Stritch. It Got Pretty Heavy Actually, I Almost Had To Host.

A New Study Found That A Mother's Diet Affects Her Baby's Allergies. Which Can Only Mean One Thing: My Mom Ate Cats.

Hillary Clinton Made A Campaign Stop In Las Vegas Yesterday. She Said She Wants Citizenship For Undocumented Immigrants. But After Seeing Americans Celebrate Cinco De Mayo Yesterday, Immigrants Said, 'you Know What, We're Good. We're Gonna Head Back Now. We Had Enough.'

Senate Democrats Blocked President Obama's Trade Bill Yesterday Because They're Worried It Could Hurt Jobs. It's Not An Issue For Republicans, Since They've All Found Work As Presidential Candidates.