I Guess Sometimes God Just Needs To

Women Are Like Parking Spots, The Best Ones Are Handicapped.

I Can't Watch The News Anymore. They Have Their Priorities All Out Of Whack. All I See Is Natalee Holloway And Britney Spears And The War In Iraq. Where's The Substantive News? Where's The Zach Braff Coverage?

Prohibition Didn't Work, So Why Should Emancipation Work? I Think We Should Just Stick With A System That Has Proven To Be Effective.

I'm Not Sure When Or Why The Tabloid Angle On Me Was Decided That I Am A Cad. I Would Have Much Rather It Had Been That I Am Secretly A Dentist Or That I Love Soup.

I Was Kosher Until I Had My Bar Mitzvah, And I Parlayed Officially Becoming A Man Into Telling My Father I Wanted To Eat Cheeseburgers.