I Got A King-sized Bed. I Don't

I Rented A Car. I Didn't Really Need One, I Just Wanted To Make One Less Available. I Wanted One Businessman On The Bus With No Car.

My Friend Said To Me, You Know What I Like? Mashed Potatoes. I Was Like, Dude, You Have To Give Me Time To Guess. If You're Going To Quiz Me You Have To Insert A Pause.

When You're In Hollywood And You're A Comedian, Everybody Wants You To Do Other Things. All Right, You're A Stand-up Comedian, Can You Write Us A Script? That's Not Fair. That's Like If I Worked Hard To Become A Cook, And I'm A Really Good Cook, They'd Say, "ok, You're A Cook. Can You Farm?"

All These Jokes Have Been Pre-approved As Funny By Me.

I Am Wearing A Vest. If I Had No Arms, It Would Be A Jacket.