I Get Paid For What Most Kids

A Woman Doing Comedy Doesn't Offend Me, But Sets Me Back A Bit. I, As A Viewer, Have Trouble With It. I Think Of Her As A Producing Machine That Brings Babies In The World.

When I Would Be Myself, I Was Being Big-headed. I Was Being Egotistical. I Was A Megalomaniac, When It Really Was Just Having Not To Be A Monkey For A Few Hours A Day. And Fulfilling The Need To Be A Man.

When I Was Onstage Doing The Work, Adrenaline Killed The Pain Because I Never Hurt In Front Of An Audience.

Pity? You Don't Want To Be Pitied Because You're A Cripple In A Wheelchair? Stay In Your House!

I Tell Young Comics, 'do You Want This Badly Enough? It's There. But You Have To Go Get It. And If You Think I'm Going To Give You The Key To The Lock Of That Door, There Is No Key, There Is No Lock, And There Is No Door.'