I Find Human Contact Repulsive.

Most Practical Jokes, I'll Feel Too Bad For The Other Person So I'll Stop Just Before The Punchline.

Switzerland Is A Place Where They Don't Like To Fight, So They Get People To Do Their Fighting For Them While They Ski And Eat Chocolate.

You Write About What You Know.

I'm Not A Person Who Embraces Challenges. I Run From Challenges. I Break World Records Running From Challenges.

I Gave A Funny Speech At My Wife's Birthday Party, And I'm Thinking, 'hey, I've Still Got It.'