I Feel Like A Carton Of Eggs

I Don't Think The Revisionist Historians Are Accurate. I Think Their Agendas Are Clouded By Selfishness And Anger And Rage.

I Ain't Interested In The Truth. I'm Interested In The Way Things Should Be.

I'll Quit Eating Meat When You Get A Cow Out Here To Beat Me At A Poetry Slam. Only So Many Words Rhyme With 'mooo.' I Mean, Yes, We're Supposed To Be Better Stewards; Yes, We're Supposed To Take Care Of The Earth; Yes, We're Supposed To Honor The Sacrifices Made By The Animals; Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes, But Dammit, We're In Charge, And You Know Why? It's Because Of These [holding Out Thumbs]...maybe You Think That Carrots Are Less Important Than Cows. I Think They're Equal, Especially In A Sauce.

There's This Whole Notion Of Being An Indian - The Idea That "warrior" Is A Positive Description Of Us [indians As Native Americans]. When An Indian Guy Does Well, He's A Warrior, Even Now. He Could Be A Computer Salesman, But If He Does Well, He's A Warrior. I'm Not A Pacifist By Any Measure, But I'm Also Fully Aware That The Reasons I Might Go To War Could Be Very Dubious.

Gordie, The White Boy Genius, Gave Me This Book By A Russian Dude Named Tolstoy, Who Wrote, 'happy Families Are All Alike; Every Unhappy Family Is Unhappy In Its Own Way.' Well, I Hate To Argue With A Russian Genius, But Tolstoy Didn't Know Indians, And He Didn't Know That All Indian Families Are Unhappy For The Same Exact Reasons: The Frikkin' Booze.