I Don't Like Books, They're All Fact,

I Welcome Opposing Viewpoints, But I Should Warn You That You'll Be Facing Off Against The 2nd-place Finisher At The 1981 Charleston County High-school Debate Tournament. And Whatever Became Of That County Champ Who Argued In Favor Of Tractor Safety Modifications? Last Time I Checked, She Didn't Have Her Own Show.

And That Brings Us To Tonight's Word: Truthiness. Now I'm Sure Some Of The Word-police, The 'wordanistas' Over At Websters, Are Gonna Say, 'hey, That's Not A Word!' Well, Anybody Who Knows Me Knows That I Am No Fan Of Dictionaries Or Reference Books. They're Elitist. Constantly Telling Us What Is Or Isn't True, What Did Or Didn't Happen.

After Obsessively Googling Symptoms For Four Hours, I Discovered 'obsessively Googling Symptoms' Is A Symptom Of Hypochondria.

I'm Not A Fan Of The Facts. Facts Change; My Opinion Never Does.

Look, Peta! If God Hadn't Wanted Us To Eat Animals, He Wouldn't Have Made Them So Darn Tasty!