I Don't Get Back As Much As

Whenever I’m About To Have Sex With A Girl, I Play It Smart And Just Automatically Assume She Has Herpes; Because That Way I Don’t Have To Tell Her About My Herpes.

We Just Found Out My Little Brother Has A Peanut Allergy, Which Is Very Serious I Know. But Still I Feel Like My Parents Are Totally Overreacting - They Caught Me Eating A Tiny Little Bag Of Airline Peanuts And They Kicked Me Out Of His Funeral.

Sure, Retarded Jokes Write Themselves. But The Spelling Is Always Way Off.

If I Tell A Joke On Stage And The Crowd Laughs For A Minute, I Stand There For A Minute And Enjoy Them Laughing Before I Go On To The Next Joke. On Tv, If I Stand There For A Minute While They Laugh, I Look Like An Idiot Who Can't Remember The Next Joke.

My Girlfriend Wants An Open Relationship. I Said No Way. What Kind Of Man Would I Be If I Had To Tell My Friends I Date You?