I Don't Categorize Food As Bad Or

It Only Looks Like I Get To Eat A Lot Of Food On Tv. I Really Just Get The One Bite And The Crew And Guests Eat Everything Else.

I Have Learned How To Breathe, To Use My Cords Differently. I Had Been Tilting My Head In A Way When I Talked That Wasn't Good For My Throat. I've Been Working On All Of That, And It Seems To Be Helping.

I Measure In My Palm And Use My Eyes To Estimate Amounts; A Tablespoon Is A Full Palm Of Dried Spices.

I Don't Have To Write Jokes. I Don't Have To Write Insults. If You Ask The Man Of The Hour In The Hot Seat, My Mere Existence Is Clearly Insult Enough.

I Had The Lunchbox That Cleared The Cafeteria. I Was Very Unpopular In The Early Grades. Because I Hung Out With My Grandfather, I Started To Bring My Lunchbox With Sardine Sandwiches And Calamari That I Would Eat Off My Fingers Like Rings. I Was Also Always Reeking Of Garlic.