I Don't Care If You're Gay, Black,

I Have This Thing Built Into My Contract That The Club Has To Put Up A Sign That Says My Act "contains The Strongest Language And Material Content Imaginable," But, Believe It Or Not, I Still Get Complaints. People Want You To Be What They Want You To Be. If They See You On Tv And That's What They Like, They Want You To Be Exactly Like That When They See You Live. And If You're Not, Some Of Them Get Upset.

You Could Smell My Ass From Mars.

Our Entire Civilization Is Built On A Foundation Of Unfixable Bullshit.

I Think Stand Is Better Now Than It's Ever Been. I Think It's The Greatest Time Ever To Do Standup Comedy.

Apartment Living Is Tough Action. Just The Whole Idea That You Share A Washer And Dryer Always Freaked Me Out.