I Can't Understand Why I Flunked American

I Get A Standing Ovation Just Standing

It's Hard For Me To Get Used To These Changing Times. I Can Remember When The Air Was Clean And Sex Was Dirty.

I Look To The Future Because That's Where I'm Going To Spend The Rest Of My Life.

Happiness? A Good Cigar, A Good Meal, A Good Cigar And A Good Woman - Or A Bad Woman; It Depends On How Much Happiness You Can Handle.

Sex After 90 Is Like Trying To Shoot Pool With A Rope. Even Putting My Cigar In Its Holder Is A Thrill.