I Cannot Imagine Not Going Home To

Catch-and-release, That's Like Running Down Pedestrians In Your Car And Then, When They Get Up And Limp Away, Saying -- 'off You Go! That's Fine. I Just Wanted To See If I Could Hit You.'

The First Time Probably People Really Were Aware Of Me, I Unfortunately Had The Title Of Showtime's Funniest Person In America. And That's A Really Tough Title To Travel Around With When You're Not Even Known.

If There Weren't Blacks, Jews And Gays, There Would No Oscars. Or Anyone Named Oscar, If You Think About That.

Way, Way Back In The Day, Like In The 1990s, If You Wanted To Tell Everyone You Ate Waffles For Breakfast, You Couldn’t Just Go On The Internet And Tweet It Out. There Was Only One Way To Do It. You Had To Go Outside And Scream At The Top Of Your Lungs, 'i Ate Waffles For Breakfast!' That’s Why So Many People Ended Up In Institutions. They Seemed Crazy, But When You Think About It, They Were Just Ahead Of Their Time.

I Get Paid Very Well For An Amazing, Amazing Life. I'm Blessed.