I Believe Great People Do Things Before

When I Had A Job Catering, I Catered A Wedding For The Smashing Pumpkins Bassist In Indiana. And I Served Billy Corgan Shrimp Off A Tray.

Ladies Like Improv Stilts, And I Think Men Like Improv Giant Cocks. But One Of The Great Things About Improv Is That You Get To Play Some Roles You'd Never Get To Play Otherwise, You Know, Like The Old Italian Pizza-maker Who's Passing On The Business Down To His Son. You Get To Play It All When You Improvise.

Please Don't Drive Drunk, Okay? Seriously... But By All Means, Walk Drunk. That Looks Hilarious. Everyone Loves To Watch Someone Act Like They Are Trying To Make It To Safety During A Hurricane.

Meryl Streep Is Not Here Tonight. She Has The Flu - And I Hear She's Amazing In It.

A Person's Tragedy Does Not Make Up Their Entire Life. A Story Carves Deep Grooves Into Our Brains Each Time We Tell It. But We Aren't One Story. We Can Change Our Stories. We Can Write Our Own.