I Awaken. I Consume Oxygen, Then Bacon,

My Education Began In Theater School, And It Continues To This Day. I Just Continued Learning To Be A Better Performer.

If You're An Original Thinker, You Are Going Get Told 'no' A Lot, And You Have To Be Able To Hear 'no' Many Times From The Bankers And Trust That At Some Point, Someone Is Going To Recognize That You Are An Artist And Not A Can Of Soda.

I Learned In My Early Years In The Theater That I Would Never Become The Guy On Top. I'll Never Create A Show; I Don't Have A Brain Expansive Enough To See The Whole Picture, In A Way That Would Behoove Anyone.

Give A Man A Fish And You Feed Him For A Day. Don't Teach A Man To Fish And You Feed Yourself. He's A Grown Man, Fishing's Not That Hard.

I Learned As A Young Man That I Don't Write Jokes, But That I Can Deliver More Mundane Material And Get A Laugh. I Call Myself A Humorist.