I Am The Very Model Of A

If You Give Me Your Attention, I Will Tell You What I Am: I'm A Genuine Philanthropist--all Other Kinds Are Sham. Each Little Fault Of Temper And Each Social Defect In My Erring Fellow Creatures, I Endeavor To Correct.

As Is Gloriously Sung In The Gilbert And Sullivan Operetta "h.m.s. Pinafore," In The Words Of W. S. Gilbert: "things Are Seldom As They Seem, Skim Milk Masquerades As Cream."

The Happiest Hour A Sailor Sees Is When He's Down At An Inland Town, With His Nancy On His Knees, Yo Ho! And His Arm Around Her Waist!

What Though I Cannot Meet My Bills? What Though I Suffer Toothache's Ills? What Though I Swallow Countless Pills?

The Idiot Who Praises, With Enthusiastic Tone, All Centuries But This, And Every Country But His Own.