I Always Thought I Was Funny, But

Most Of My Comedy Writing Happens Through Improvisation On Stage; Doing It In The Moment. Going Up With An Idea And Fleshing It Out Over Time On Stage And In Front Of People Until It Becomes A Full Bit.

Well, Evolution's Just A Theory.' And, I'm Thinking To Myself, 'well, Thank Goodness Gravity's A Law.'

People Who Have Babies Tell Me I Will Know A Love That Is Beyond Anything I Can Imagine, And A Joy That Is Indescribable. Love And Joy? That Sounds Horrifying. I Have No Way Of Knowing Whether I Can Handle Either Of Those. I'm Much Better With Need And Fear. They Are What Ground Me.

I've Had This Look For About A Year. I Usually Grow This Beard Out Around Christmas. I Like To Go To Malls Dressed As Jesus, And I Like To Then Walk Around The Mall And Go, 'no! No! This Wasn't What It Was Supposed To Be About, People!' Then If There's A Santa At The Mall, I Walk Up To Him And Say, 'listen, Fat Man, You're Just A Clown At My Birthday Party.'

I'm Weird; I Have A Very Strange Emotional Memory. I Really Somehow Hold On To Even Passing Moments With People.