Hors D'oeuvre: A Ham Sandwich Cut Into

There's Only Five Real People In Hollywood. Everyone Else Is Mel Blanc.

No Matter How Often I Tell People I'm Thirty-nine Some Of Them Refuse To Believe I'm That Old.

I Feel Responsible For Johnny Ray's Success. See Many Years Ago I Asked Him To Be On My Show And He Asked For A Lot Of Money And I Cried. And He Stole That From Me.

When I Give Concerts, The Tickets Sell For Five Dollars To One Hundred Dollars, But For My Concerts The Five-dollar Seats Are Down In Front... The Further Back You Go, The More You Have To Pay. The Hundred Dollar Seats Are The Last Two Rows, And Those Tickets Go Like Hotcakes! In Fact, If You Pay Two Hundred Dollars You Don't Have To Come At All.

I Don't Want To Tell You How Much Insurance I Carry With The Prudential, But All I Can Say Is: When I Go, They Go Too.