Homemade Sweaters Are Always Itchy.

I Was Not A Jock In High School. I Know, You're Shocked.

I Don't Think Everyone Should Vote. If You Have To Be Dragged Into The Polls, Carried Into The Polls And Smelling Salts Have To Be Used, You Probably Shouldn't Be Voting. However, We Shouldn't Be Putting Up Barriers To Voting That Target Certain Groups.

I Love The Excess Of Christmas. The Shopping Season That Begins In September, The Bad Pop Star Recordings Of Christmas Carols, The Decorations That Don't Know When To Come Down.

The Most Important Thing Is To Write Material That You Think Is Funny. If You Don't Think It's Funny, But You're Convinced That Other People Will Think It Is, Well They Won't.

I Have A Keurig Coffee Maker, Which Is Really Kind Of A Luxury. It Was Given To Me By An Ex. I Realized When I'm Feeling Sentimental, I'll Gently, Tenderly Press The Button. Then When I Remember He Dumped Me, I Punch It.