Hillary's Trying To Appear Downhome. Earlier Today

Donald Trump Is Attacking President Obama's Background. And I Said, 'wait A Minute, Trump Also Is From A Mixed Background. He's Half Jack And Half Ass.'

My Political Position Is That I'm Happy To Be Alive And In North America.

I Was Christmas Shopping And Ran Into A Guy On The Street. I Noticed His Watch And Said That It Runs Slow. He Said, "so Does The Guy I Stole It From."

John Boehner - Doesn't He Look Like Every Guy You've Ever Seen At A Hotel Bar? He Looks Like The Kind Of Guy Who Licks His Thumb When He Counts His Money.

We're Learning More About Osama Bin Laden. His Father Was Married 16 Times, And He Has Five Wives. I Think We're Getting To The Root Of His Intense Anger. And They Say Bin Laden Never Spends The Night In The Same Place Twice. No, Wait A Minute, That's Clinton.