Having A Normal Person Around Me Made

The Joy Is An Absurd Yellow Tulip, Popping Up In My Life, Contradicting All The Evidence That Shows It Should Not Be There.

I Am Feeling Fine. I Remember These Words And Recite Them. These Are The Things You Say When Asked How You Are. After All, It Would Be Odd To Say: I'm Not Feeling. Or, More To The Point: I'm Not, I Have Ceased To Be. Where Am I?

But In Some Ways, The Most Significant Choices One Makes In Life Are Done For Reasons That Are Not All That Dramatic, Not Earth-shaking At All; Often Enough, The Choices We Make Are, For Better Or For Worse, Made By Default.

When I Returned, Everything Was Different. Everything Was Calm, And I Felt Very Clean. Everything Was In Order. Everything Was As It Should Be. I Had A Secret. It Was A Guilty Secret, Certainly. But It Was My Secret. I Had Something To Hold On To. It Was Company. It Kept Me Calm. It Filled Me Up And Emptied Me Out.

Hatred Is So Much Closer To Love Than Indifference.