Happiness Is The Quiet Lull Between Problems.

New Parents Always Sound Like Hucksters In A Pyramid Scheme. Anyone Who Has Kids And Then Gets You To Go And Have Kids Gets A Check From Huckster Headquarters.

I Used To Walk Into A Party And Scan The Room For Attractive Women. Now I Look For Women To Hold My Baby So I Can Eat Potato Salad Sitting Down.

In Fact, I Had The Idea Because Of Peter Falk. I Saw My Dad Watching A Peter Falk Movie And Something Clicked In My Head. I Gotta Go Make A Movie For Peter Falk And Me

A New Child In The House Is A Huge Tourist Attraction. It's Like Disneyland, Except There The Lines Are Longer And No One Brings Casseroles.

He Was Born Early. But He Was Born Within A Safe Range Of Premature.