Good News. President Bush Is Creating Thousands

Bin Laden Was Once Targeted By President Clinton. President Clinton Wanted To Kill Him But Couldn't Get Him. Of Course Not, We All Know What Kind Of Aim Clinton Has.

There Are Reports On The News Tonight That Members Of The Taliban Feel Persecuted And Fear Their Own Safety. So Now They Know What It Is Like To Feel Like A Woman In Their Country.

A Pakistan Businessman Is Claiming That John Walker Lindh Is Gay And That He Was His Lover. Say What You Will About Lindh, But When This Guy Goes To Play For The Other Team - He Goes All The Way ... So Lindh May Be Both A Terrorist And A Gay Man. That May Be John Ashcroft's Worst Nightmare.

Remember When We Used To Worry About Some Weirdo Having A Razor Blade Inside An Apple On Halloween? Not Anymore. Like A Kid Today Would Eat An Apple.

Enron Is Now Officially Out Of The Energy Business. They Are Now In A New Business: Confetti.