Glenn Beck Has Nazi Tourettes'.

He Smiles So Much, I Don't Think He Has A Central Nervous System.

I'd Like The Campaigning To Be About All The Things They're Not Going To Do. Just Tell Me What You're Not Going Do! Don't Tell Me What You're Going To Do. Just Say "i'd Really Like To Do Solar Energy But I'm Not Going To Be Able To. I Really Want To Dig Holes Everywhere In The Country But I Really Won't Be Able To Do It Because People Seem To Think That Maybe My Water Will Be Screwed Up."

What I've Found In My Career Is That 70 To 75 Percent Of Comics Are Nice And Have Some Sense Of Social Skills, But There Are Those Who End Up In Comedy Because They Don't Know How To Socialize. I Don't Want To Deal With That Group.

People Go To Vegas, And They Don't Know What To Do; Here's What You Do. You Go To The Casino In Your Hotel. On Your Arrival, You Get $100 In Quarters. Take That $100 Back To Your Hotel Room And Stare At It For A Long, Long Time. Why? Because You're Never Going To See Them Again. Then You Take Those Quarters To The Bathroom And You Flush Them, One By One By One. And The Nice Thing About That Is That Every So Often The Toilet Will Back Up, And You'll Feel Like A Winner!

Wow, You Survived A Blackout. You're Made Of Stronger Stuff Than Ice Cream.