Friendship Is So Weird. You Just Pick

People Say I'm Difficult And Sometimes That's A Badge Of Honour.

There's Only A Couple Times When Fame Is Ever Helpful. Sometimes You Can Get Into A Restaurant Where The Kitchen Is Just Closing. Sometimes You Can Avoid A Traffic Violation. But The Only Time It Really Matters Is In The Emergency Room With Your Kids. That's When You Want To Be Noticed, Because It's Very Easy To Get Forgotten In An Er.

I Think Midlife Crisis Is Just A Point Where People's Careers Have Reached Some Plateau And They Have To Reflect On Their Personal Relationships.

I Wanted To Be A Doctor Once Upon A Time, But It Turns Out You've Got To Study, And That Wasn't Going To Happen. I Had No Idea What I Was Going To Do. I Had Trouble Holding Jobs Because They Want You To Be On Time. That Wasn't Going To Work.

I Don't Want To Be That Guy Mumbling Into His Drink At A Bar.