Every Shopaholic Needs An Accomplice.

I'll Always Be An Outrageous Character.

I Can Honestly Say, All The Bad Things That Ever Happened To Me Were Directly, Directly Attributed To Drugs And Alcohol. I Mean, I Would Never Urinate At The Alamo At Nine O'clock In The Morning Dressed In A Woman's Evening Dress Sober.

My Stay In Camp Betty Was The Longest I'd Been Without Drink Or Drugs In My Adult Life. [...] At First, They Put Me In A Room With A Guy Who Owned A Bowling Alley, But He Snored Like An Asthmatic Horse, So I Moved And Ended Up With A Depressive Mortician. [...] The Mortician Snored Even Louder Than The Bowling Alley Guy - He Was Like A Moose With A Tracheotomy.

The Funny Thing Is, I Was Never Much Of A Fighter. Better A Live Coward Than A Dead Hero, That Was My Motto.

My Heart Stopped Twice. They Had To Stab Me To Drain The Blood From My Lungs Because I Was Drowning In My Own Blood.