Every Day Of My Adult Life, I

I Used To Think That Nails-down-a-chalkboard Was The Worst Sound In The World. Then I Moved On To People-eating-cereal-on-the-phone. But Only This Week Did I Stumble Across The Rightful Winner: It's The Sound Of A Baggage Carousel Coming To A Grinding Halt, Having Reunited Every Passenger On Your Flight With Their Luggage, Except For You.

You Just Don't Notice The Time Of Your Own Metamorphosis. Until You Do. Every Once In A While Time Dissolves And You Remember What You Liked As A Kid. You Jump On Your Hotel Bed, Order Dessert First, Decide To Put Every Piece Of Jewelry You Own On Your Body And Leave The House. Why? Because You Can. Because You're The Boss. Because... Ooooh. Shiny.

My A-number One Visceral Fear Is Speed. More Than Knives Or Snakes Or Confined Spaces. Speed. I Won't Even Go On A Motor Boat If I Can Help It.

What Annoyed Me Was That I So Often Attempted To Weasel Out Of Things On Purpose, It Killed Me To Do It By Accident. It Seemed Like A Waste Of Whatever Detailed Lie I Was Going To Have To Come Up With.

I Thought I'd Had Another Few Decades Before My Noise Complaint Years.