Don't You Dare Use Party As A

I Feel Very Very Old. My Hair Hurts. I Have Buttocks All Over My Body And I Can't Even Smoke Properly Any More. I Don't Have Lungs, I Just Have Two Poppadoms In Here.

I Think I Still Get Something From The Original Broadcaster But I'm Certainly Not Aware Of Any Netflix Van Driving To My House And Unloading A Load Of Cash Into My Front Yard.

If You're A Comic, You Don't Have A Rehearsal Room, You Rehearse On Stage. My Main Concern Is Remembering Everything.

So Here Are Some Foolproof Recipes For Those Of You Who Understand The True Function Of Food. Bean Treat: Gingerly Pour Four Fluid Oz Of Beans Or Something Into A Jug. Cry. Eat The Beans From The Jug And Pour The Rest From The Can Down Your Throat. N.b. These Taste Better If They Belong To Somebody Else In Your House. Pain Au Dunk: Fists Of Bread, Rent From The Loaf And Dunked Into Anything Runnier Than Bread. Should Eat At Least Six Of These Because…you Should. Don’t Toast The Bread. Toast Is Cookery.

I Don't Want To Do Panel Games Or Adverts. I Really Like Challenges. I Always Get Roles As An Art Teacher Or A Photographer. In The Future I Want To Play Something Like A Mugger/assassin/pastry Chef.