Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk-- Get Angry

Every Night On My Show, The Colbert Report, I Speak Straight From The Gut, Okay? I Give People The Truth, Unfiltered By Rational Argument. I Call It "the No Fact Zone.

Football Is American; Why Are The Romans Numering Our Bowls?!

You Can't Swallow And Think About Your Tongue. If You Think About Your Tongue, You've Got A Giant Piece Of Meat In Your Mouth And That's A Terrible Feeling.

If We Raise Taxes On Corporations, What Incentive Will They Have To Make Money Other Than The Fact That It's The Sole Reason They Exist.

No One Has Any Idea What's Going To Happen. Not Even Elon Musk. That's Why He's Building Those Rockets. He Wants A 'plan B' On Another World.