Dingoes, Jackals, Skunks, Vipers And Weasel Are

Welcome To The Program. My Name Is Dave Letterman, And Tonight I'm Giving My Two-week Notice.

So The Guy Who Shot Gadhafi Was Wearing A Yankees Cap. Did You See That? If He'd Had A Boston Red Sox Hat On He Probably Would Have Missed.

Our Guest Tonight Is Michelle Obama, First Lady Of The United States. She's Here To Announce Her Run For President.

Scientists Have Proven Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt That There Is Life After Death -- Though They Say It's Virtually Impossible To Get Decent Chinese Food.

Mitt Romney Is Doing What He Can. He's Trying Very Hard. He Wants To Unite America, The Rich With The Wealthy, The Poor With The Indigent, And The White With The Caucasian.