Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld Said This Week

A Survey Released Today Found That Men Spend Twice As Much On Their Mistresses For Christmas As They Do On Their Wives. On The Other Hand, Men Spend Half Their Income On The Wives When The Wife Finds Out About The Mistress. So It All Balances Out.

Today Arnold Schwarzenegger Made Another Major Announcement. He Said His Lieutenant Governor Will Be Xena, Warrior Princess.

Supporters Of Osama Bin Laden Want To Rename The Arabian Sea After Bin Laden's Death. They Want To Call It "martyr's Sea." Please, Hiding In Your Bedroom For Six Years With The Blinds Closed? How About "chicken Of The Sea?

It Is Said That Life Begins When The Fetus Can Exist Apart From Its Mother. By This Definition, Many People In Hollywood Are Legally Dead.

Yesterday, Saddam Hussein Got 100 Percent Of The Vote. Well, That's According To Saddam's Campaign Manager, Jeb Hussein.