Comedians Are Never Really On Vacation Because

I Didn't Need The Elf Outfit To Play An Elf; I Could Just Play An Elf.

I Feel More Comfortable In Comedy.

Marriage And Fatherhood Heighten The Disillusion That We All Think We Are Born Handy. We Confidently Believe That We Can Fix Things Around The House, As If It's Part Of The Collective Brain That Was Further Enhanced By Eighth-grade Shop Class.

Cell Phones Have Gotten So Small, You Can't Tell Who's A Cell Phone User And Who's A Schizophrenic.

Television Series Are Like The Stock Market. There's Room For Bears And Bulls But No Room For Pigs.