Best Friend Isn't A Person, It's A

As I've Gotten Older, I Can Look At Myself More Clearly And Own The Things That I'm Good At And Work On The Things That I'm Not. Like, I Am Not Skinny. I Know That If I Were To Lose A Little Weight I'd Literally Have More Time In The Morning Because I Know Clothes Would Fit Better. And Now I Can Look At Those Things More Practically. Instead Of Being Like, "what Does That Say About Me?," Now I'm Just Like, "that Would Be Great To Sleep In An Extra Fifteen Minutes Because I Wasn't Trying On Everything In My Closet."

I Always Wanted To Write, Even Before I Realized That There Was A Comedy Writers' World, Or What That Life Was Like. I Never Thought Of Myself, At Least As A Little Kid, In Terms Of Being The Onscreen Talent. I Always Thought It'd Be So Much Fun To Write Sketches And Be A Writer. Even As Little As 6 Or 7, That's What My Main Interest Was.

There Are Time When Friends Have Said They Hooked Up With Someone And All It Means Is That They Had A Highly Anticipated Kissing Session. Other Times It's A Full-on All-night Sex-a-thon. Can't We Have A Universal Understanding Of The Term, Once And For All? From Now On, Let's All Agree That Hooking Up = Sex. Everything Else Is 'made Out.' And If You're Older Than Twenty-eight, Then Just Kissing Someone Doesn't Count For Crap And Is Not Even Worth Mentioning. Unless You're Mormon, In Which Case You're Going To Hell.

We Always Think Of A Diet With A Big Groan. But I Think Diets Are Fun. I Think It Is An American Pastime For A Lot Of Women.

That's My Advice To People. You Can't Get Hung Up On Thinking, "am I The Victim In This Situation?" No, I'm In Charge Of It.