Behind Every Great Man In Prison Is

No One Gets A Free Ride. Except Maybe Bus Drivers.

Jon Lovitz. Jon, Your Act Is Like Masturbation: You're The Only One Who Enjoys It, And You Should Be Arrested For Doing It In Public.

What I've Learned About Comedy People Is That They're Defined By The Harshest Level They've Been To, Their Personal Auschwitz.

Concerned We're In A Time Where Politicians Can't Even Fake Sincerity. Aren't They Supposed To Be Good At That?

My Wife Is A Saint. She's Gandhi. She Walks Around In Diapers And Won't Eat.