Basically My Wife Was Immature. I'd Be

Whosoever Loveth Wisdom Is Righteous, But He That Keepeth Company With Fowl Is Weird.

Every Hooker I Ever Speak To Tells Me That It Beats The Hell Out Of Waitressing.

I Was The Captain Of The Latent Paranoid Softball Team. We Used To Play All The Neurotics On Sunday Morning. Nailbiters Against The Bedwetters, And If You've Never Seen Neurotics Play Softball, It's Really Funny. I Used To Steal Second Base, And Feel Guilty And Go Back.

I've Had Bad Luck In My Two Previous Marriages. The First Wife Left Me, And The Second Did Not. ­

[the Universe Is] Haphazard, Morally Neutral, And Unimaginably Violent.