Bacon Is Like The Opposite Of Medicine.

Faith Is Something That's - It's Hard To Articulate. It's - There's - It's Not Based On Logic.

Playing Frisbee With A Five Year Old Is Amazingly Similar To Chasing After A Frisbee.

As I Go On In Standup, I Keep Being Described As Cleaner And Cleaner As I Do Each Hour, They're Like, 'it's Unbelievable How Clean,' 'he's The Cleanest Person In The World.' And Then I'll Do Shows And People Will Be Like, 'you're Supposed To Be So Clean, But You're Talking About Cancer.'

When You Hear Bacon Cooking....that Sizzling Sound Isn't The Fat Cooking....that's Applause.

I Was Watching The Animal Planet. Did You Know That The Male Seahorse Has The Baby? Why Don't They Just Call That One The Female?