Baby Carrots Are Making Me Gay.

Contraception Leads To More Babies Being Born Out Of Wedlock, Like Fire Extinguishers Lead To More Fires.

Join Me In Standing Up Against Any Actual Knowledge About Guns. Let The Cdc Know They Can Take Away Our Ignorance When The Pry It From Our Cold Dead Minds.

I Thought Black Friday Was When Everyone Puts On Blackface And Steals Children From Wal-mart.

Cynicism Is An Enormous Problem. I'm Actually A Hopeful Person. But The Way To Stay Hopeful Is To Acknowledge And To Not Accept What Is Absolutely Amoral, Mentally Ill Behavior As Normal.

Give A Man A Fish And He'll Eat For A Day. Give A Man A Sub-prime Fish Loan And You're In Business, Buddy.