Baby Carrots Are Making Me Gay.

If Someone Does Offer You A Job, Say 'yes.' You Can Always Quit Later. Then At Least You'll Be One Of The Unemployed As Opposed To One Of The Never-employed. Nothing Looks Worse On A Resume Than Nothing.

They Said You Can't Go To The Moon. They Said You Can't Put Cheese Inside A Pizza Crust, But Nasa Did It. They Had To, Because The Cheese Kept Floating Off In Space.

The Skinnification Of America's Jeanscape Has Gone Too Far.

I Don't Like Books, They're All Fact, No Heart.

I'm Not A Standup. I Didn't Start Off As A Writer, I Learned To Write Through Improvisation, And So That's The Part Of The Show That Can Most Surprise Me. The Written Part Of The Show, I Know I Can Get Wrong. You Can't Really Get The Interview "wrong."