At Some Point I Stopped Stand-up Because

Women Need A Reason To Have Sex, Men Just Need A Place.

[my Mother] Is The Greatest Hero I'll Ever Know Because She Kept Us All Together, She Made Sure We All Graduated College. She Always Believed In Us No Matter What We Do. My Older Brother Joel Became An Art Teacher; My Brother Rip Ultimately Became A Television Producer And Singer And Actor Himself.

I Used To Limp Around My Neighborhood Imitating Him. I Did My Bar Mitzvah With An Oklahoma Drawl.

When You Realize You Want To Invest The Rest Of Your Lifestyle With Somebody, You Want The Rest Of Your Life To Commence As Quickly As Achievable.

I Had Really Good Hearing And When You're Scared It Gets Heightened So You Hear Scratching Noises Or Something.