Asians Are Nice People, But They Burn

I've Never Had A Writer, And I'm Proud Of That. Everything I've Per­formed Has Been From My Own Head.

I Never Could Tell A Joke. I Just Started Talking To The Audience, And When The Drunks Would Yell, "hey, When Do The Broads Come On?" I Got Good At Saying, "relax. Clear Your Skin Up First." They Called Me "the Insult Guy," But It's Never Mean-spirited. I'm Just Exaggerating Everything About Us And About Life.

I Have A Problem, If The Light Goes On On Tv And It Blinks Midnight, I Don't Know How To Fix It.

I Think If I Took Therapy, The Doctor Would Quit. He'd Just Pick Up The Couch And Walk Out Of The Room.

Everything I've Ever Done In My Whole Career, People Might Not Know, I've Never Written Anything Down On Paper.