As You Watch The Gary Condit Interview,

George Clooney Is On The Program Tonight. Next Week At This Time I Will Be In A Hardware Store Watching Them Mix Paint.

The Academy Awards Are Passed Out On Sunday. It's Voted By Members Of The Academy Of Motion Pictures Arts And Sciences. Or As I Call Them, 50 Shades Of White.

Are You Getting A Big Kick Out Of The Enron Scandal? I Find This Interesting That Whenever A Big Crisis Starts, People Start Showing Up In Church. So, Ken Lay Shows Up In Church This Weekend. Church Officials Are Still Looking For The Collection Plates.

Every Day We Learn More And More About This Wacky Osama Bin Laden. He Lives In A Cave And At One Time He Was A Womanizer. But Now He Has Settled Down With His Five Wives And 26 Kids, So That's Now All Over. ... He Also Had A Drinking Problem At One Time. I Believe He Went Through 'jihab'

Arnold Is Now The Front Runner. Everyone Was Snickering About It A Month Ago, Now It Looks Like He Will Be The Next Governor Of California. He Is So Confident He Has Already Chosen A Body Oil For The Inauguration.