As We Head To War With Iraq,

According To The L.a. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft Wants To Take "a Harder Stance" On The Death Penalty. What's A Harder Stance On The Death Penalty? We're Already Killing The Guy? How Do You Take A Harder Stance On The Death Penalty? What, Are You Going To Tickle Him First? Give Him Itching Powder? Put A Thumbtack On The Electric Chair?

Political Experts Are Saying The Reason John Kerry Is Doing So Well Is Because He's 'electable.' Hey, So Was Al Gore - In Fact, He Even Got Elected And It Didn't Help Him At All.

Bp Ceo Tony Hayward Said He Would Just Like To Get His Life Back. He Wants To Get His Life Back. You Know, I Say Give Him Life Plus 20.

Barack Obama's Mother-in-law Might Be Moving Into The White House With Him. Joe Biden Was Right. Hostile Forces Will Test Him In The First Few Months.

First There's The Promise Ring, Then The Engagement Ring, Then The Wedding Ring... Soon After... Comes Suffer...ring!