Ah, Beer, My One Weakness. My Achille's

Greetings, Friends. Do You Wish To Look As Happy As Me? Well, You've Got The Power Inside You Right Now. So Use It And Send One Dollar To Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't Delay. Eternal Happiness Is Just A Dollar Away.

Let Me Not Then Die Ingloriously And Without A Struggle, But Let Me First Do Some Great Thing That Shall Be Told Among Men Hereafter.

The Long Historian Of My Country's Woes.

I've Finally Tapped Into That Spirit Of Self-destruction That Makes Rock-n-roll The King Of Music!

This Year I Invested In Pumpkins. They've Been Going Up The Whole Month Of October And I Got A Feeling They're Going To Peak Right Around January. Then Bang! That's When I'll Cash In.