A Lot Of People Think I'm Retiring,

And Tar Is Washing Up Onto The Beaches - Big Globs Of Tar. And People Are Saying, 'is That Going To Ruin Our Summer At The Beach?' No, Of Course Not. You Take The Big Blobs Of Tar And You Use Them To Hold Down Your Blanket.

How About Those Olympics, Ladies And Gentlemen. Didn't London Look Like The Place To Be? New York City Was In The Running For This Olympics. But Here's What Happened. We Got Outbribed.

When I Was A Kid In Indiana, We Thought It Would Be Fun To Get A Turkey A Year Ahead Of Time And Feed It And So On For The Following Thanksgiving. But By The Time Thanksgiving Came Around, We Sort Of Thought Of The Turkey As A Pet, So We Ate The Dog. Only Kidding. It Was The Cat!

Former Governor Of Alaska, Sarah Palin, Is Promoting Her New Book And She's Going To Appear On The Oprah Winfrey Show. Sarah And Oprah. On The One Hand, A Very Powerful Woman Qualified To Be President Of The United States, And On The Other Hand, You Have Sarah ... But If You Think About It, Sarah Palin And Oprah Winfrey Have A Lot In Common. They Both Helped Get Obama Elected.

Here's Some News From Afghanistan. We're Sending More Troops To Seal Up The Borders. Can We Try That Here? Three Months, 12,000 Pounds Of Bombs And Billions And Billions Of Dollars And The Highest Ranking Enemy We've Captured So Far Is An American.